Thespians 2018

I have a lot a lot of feelings at this moment,  more than my tiny 4’10 stature should have to endure. I miss states so much and accepting that this was my last Thespian festival representing troupe 6510 has been strange... it's such an "AaHhahAHhaHAhah my future is starting soon" feeling which is both exciting and a tad bit scary but I shouldn’t cry about it (even though I just did). I did the mostest in my last four years repping my beautiful troupe. Being in Cypress's large group ensemble piece every year for the last three years has taught me so much more than I could have anticipated. I’m really proud of how far I’ve come, especially this year, without any direction from the people I thought would be there. With random help from my vocal teacher, Karen Rassler, my past middle school drama teachers, the Eulers, and my best friend who can always bring my spirits up despite living 1,355 miles away, Michael, I couldn’t have gotten through the musical theatre college process, but I really pushed all this weight on my own and I’m really proud of myself. Most people around me have already made their college decisions, only having to send in their common application. Pursuing the arts is it's own challenge but even applying for arts programs comes with it's own necessities. On top of completing academic applications, essays, and resumes, I had to send in digital prescreens of audition pieces, complete artistic evaluations, says, and resumes, and go travel around the country to go to on campus auditions. So yeah, this year has been pretty busy.

States on it's own was it's own reward for my hard work this year, but I was also commended with a scholarship from the FL State Thespians committee this year. Seniors all around Florida pursuing a degree in the arts competed against each other with only 90 seconds to display their talent. I didn't expect anything out of it but I did have a blast performing my college pieces for the last time. Finding out I got it was pretty exciting but meeting with the other 4 winners was also an experience. Honestly, I felt a little sheepish amongst my fellow scholarship winners backstage. They talked about their programs and what resources they have and it was somewhat of a reminder that I really didn’t get to learn vocal/acting TECHNIQUE in the formal way at Cypress. I can’t rack myself with guilt over things I should applaud myself for. I get uneasy when people tell me I’m gonna do great things or they can’t wait to see what I’m gonna do in the future but that’s just my own anxiety getting in the way of accepting the truth that I’m beautiful. I mean this in the nicest way possible, but my school's theatre program isn't really intent on teaching actual technique. I've fostered a close connection and relationship with my director, and I love her as a person, but the way she teaches is by putting everything in our hands and just letting us play. Don't get me wrong, a playground of expression and performance is exhilarating but i had a rude awakening when I realized that people my age had some swings edna set of monkey bars while the playground at Cypress is just kind of a free-for-all. Every actor has their own technique, and there is no wrong or right way, but I feel like because I haven't even been exposed to these techniques until now puts me behind. I work very hard to mold myself even without having learned the correct tools to do so, and I continuously push and push and push myself until I break and then keep going. I pushed myself really hard this year bc the college process really showed me how a lot of other people my age knew so much more than me bc their teachers actually teach and it messed me up a but mentally. I’m constantly worried about staying humble but I have to back track and re-accept myself as an artist, because it’s not my fault that I’ve missed out on so much. I have realized that I am at where I’m at and that’s just that, and all I want is to learn and expand the box Cypress has instilled in my brain; realized that i got to be in dressing room 5 with some of themes talented people i've ever met for a reason. This realization and self-acceptance exploration is just what I needed to keep going, and I think it's what the narrator of "Crazytown" needs as well...it's time for the both of us to get out of our heads and live the best lives we can.